What is Wrong with These People?

11/26/2024

I guess I shouldn't ask that question like it's a burden, because these people are providing me with gut busting hilarity

For this one, the first part of the headline read:

Social media influencer arrested.....

Ok, no big whoop so far, right? Well, that was only the first part of the headline

.....after filming herself getting ready to steal from store using fake barcodes: Police

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Why are these people always so dumb?

The first line of the article says:

A 22-year-old social media influencer on TikTok with nearly 300,000 followers has been arrested...

This chick has almost 300k followers, and she thought it was a good idea to go on her social media page and advertise to 300k people she was about to commit a crime, and how she was about to do it

Bruh, I can't

You would think with this level of stupidity, that maybe she was planning on stealing from a small boutique or something. Nah, this bitch stole from Target

The way the article explained, she would pick out shit at Target and then go the self-checkout register...

Oh, side note! I get especially pissed at stealing from self-checkout registers. I've been reading stores are increasingly wanting to get rid of them due to high theft. But people like me, not a big fan of people in general, prefer to use the self-checkout. The line also goes much faster because there are usually more self-checkout registers than manned registers. Would y'all knock that shit off, you selfish ass MFs?!!

Anyway, while at the self-checkout, she would instead scan her fake barcodes she advertised on her TikTok page, which were for much lower amounts. From the article:

In total, 16 items of miscellaneous household goods and clothing were stolen with a total retail value of $500.32, which was verified by officers via Target’s security cameras

The article doesn't mention how much she paid for that $500 worth of stuff

So how did they catch this genius?

In an attempt to help identify the suspect through public assistance, the Cape Coral Police Department’s Facebook and Instagram accounts posted the female’s picture, describing her as appearing to be “approximately 20-35 years old, had long black hair, and was wearing a tan shirt, tan pants, and glasses.”

Ok, is it me or is 20 - 35 a pretty huge fucking gap? Then they said approximately. Uh, yeah! Might as well have been like she's between 18 - 64. They could have narrowed that shit down. But it turns out there was no need. Know why? Remember that stupidity she exuded prior to committing the crime?

An anonymous caller who saw the post on social media subsequently contacted the police and gave the possible identification for the suspect as Marlena Velez and informed them of her social media profiles

Checkmate dumb ass

Oh, and as always, in case you think I'm making this shit up, check it out for yourself