This is BY FAR the Best Article I Have Read This Year

Written 11/23/2024

Here I was just minding my own business one day last week while working, scrolling through Yahoo catching up on what's going on in the world, when this article caught my attention:

4 arrested in California car insurance scam

Seeing how this was happening somewhere in my home state, I decided to explore further by clicking the link

The next line of the headline knocked. me. the fuck. out!

'Clearly a human in a bear suit'

So, after the reaction above, my next thought was 'oh I have got to read every line of this shit'

The article begins by reiterating it's headline, before listing the names of the four people arrested, all Los Angeles area natives. Meaning this was closer to my backyard than I thought. The article also stated the state conducted an investigation at the request of the insurance company, who suspected fraud at play when they received a claim that a wild animal damaged the inside of one of their insured cars

Then, they fucked around and provided a pic of the bear costume used

Bruh, back to the fucking floor I went! This is already the best thing I've read all year, but if you can believe it, just wait there's more

Next up, they tell us the suspects actually provided video proof of the bear attack on the car. Even though the headline spoiled the story, I wanted to see how sophisticated this was. I mean, it had to be right? For you to actually submit it as video proof? I HAD to watch this video! And now, you do too! But because of its privacy settings, I couldn't post it on here. You'll instead have to check out in another window here

Ok BY FAR my favorite part of the video is about the 8 second mark. You'll notice that the light in the car comes on. If the light was out, that meant the door had to be completely closed, right? For the light to come on means that the door had to be opened only by the handle, yes? What fucking animal do you know can open up a car door?! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha These have got to be some of the stupidest muhfuckas on the planet. If you were already filing an insurance claim for damage done by a bear, why the fuck would you not break the window of the car to get in to make it look more believable? You fucked up in the first like 10 seconds of the video, causing anyone looking at it to take a closer look to see that was clearly a human who opened the door!

Of course they arrested their dumb asses! I really didn't need to look at anything past the first eight seconds to determine what happened next. And if you think I'm making all this up, here's the full article for your enjoyment