HOOOLY SHIT!! I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HER!!!

I have been in a deep, reflective mood all morning

Following a nice weekend where I FINALLY got to see Wicked, both the Broadway play at the Pantages Theater and the movie, this morning (12/9/2024) after I checked in to work, I began perusing Yahoo as I often do first thing in the morning for the goings on in the world

I came across a headline that I couldn't believe. So much so in fact, I had to read it three times. And STILL couldn't believe what I saw

"LA radio host and entertainment reporter Robin Ayers dead at 44"

Then, for a split second, I thought maybe it wasn't the Robin I knew. But they included pics of her under the headline and it was definitely the Robin I knew

(deep sigh) Reflection time

First of all, she was 45. I don't know why the headline said 44. I know this because she was my age. We were born six months apart (me in April, her in October 1979), and we were classmates in 6th fucking grade! This was at Thomas Edison Elementary in Glendale, California

Not only were we classmates, if you include the four people in our circle (or square?) that year, as well as my sister, her best friend (who would later become the mother of my daughter and now ex-wife), and my sister's best friend's brother and cousin, the eight of us were like legit the only black students in the school. There might have been a handful of others that I forgot about, but it wasn't much more than this. With my sister and her friend's crew being younger than me, they were beneath my line of sight back then, despite my sister's friend having a crush on me. But she was in the third grade at that time, so, eww. If I wasn't playing ball, I really just hung out with the other black folks in my grade and especially my best friend

And those other black folks in my grade included our friend Tameka and the Robin mentioned in this article (I think her maiden name was Davis, if I remember correctly). Tameka and Robin were besties. Then it was me and my boy Dashaun. Dashaun and I both had a crush on Robin, but it was almost like he respected her too much to hit on her. And I, being the tall, nerdy ass ball player had no clue how to talk to girls at that time (shit, I still don't really, y'all are complicated as fuck). Anyway, Dashaun had an older brother from whom he learned a lot about the generalities of fitting in at our age. He was all too happy to pass his learnings on to me, the awkward boy without a father figure (or even a male at all) in his life. So neither of us ever acted on our crush on Robin, and Dashaun actually ended up dating Tameka for a while (or as we called it then, going steady lol.....ahhh memories)

Side note: I remember I had a huge crush on this really hot Philippina I mentioned on HoopLA, when I played the story I told on my daughter's podcast, about my running for president in this same grade and school I met Robin. She was one of those chicks that was so fine she became SUPER popular when we got to Jr High. As I said, I was waaay too chicken shit to approach a girl at that time (something that Dashaun just could not wrap his head around lol), so no one but him knew about my crush on her. The next year, 7th grade, we moved to Roosevelt Junior High - this was back before Jr High became middle school and was changed to include 6th grade and drop the 9th grade, which is now considered high school - and she and I found ourselves in the same history class. We sat beside one another and as such, we got paired along with a couple of other neighbors for a group project. One day, while our group members were in the bathroom or something, she and I started talking in our little group circle of desks we created. In this conversation she confessed, "I had the biggest crush on you last year". WHAAAAAAT??!! Bro!!!!! I felt so many emotions at one time (none of them good), that it was confusing as fuck to my little 13-year-old system. If I could talk to the young me and to any other young person struggling with their self-esteem (because you too had supremely insecure parents who tore your self-esteem down to make themselves feel better), dude just take your fucking shot. Tomorrow is not promised, and you just will never know what will happen until you try for yourself. I didn't' know it then but had I taken my shot, I could have gotten with an early crush before she went on to become one of the hottest girls in the school at the next level. I learned that lesson then though. It would help me out about 20 or so years later when I decided to take my shot at an even bigger crush, and actually got that girl (albeit it for like five minutes, which is also about the length of time I would have no doubt been with the girl in 6th grade, BUT THAT'S NOT THE GODDAMN POINT!!!!!). Lesson learned!

Told y'all I've been in a reflective mood all morning

Anyway, back to Robin. After our sixth-grade year, even though we all went to Roosevelt, we found Jr High to be much bigger and more intimidating than the year before. At Edison, we were the upper classmen of the school. Everyone younger than us (which was every single student not in our grade in the school) were beneath us. Suddenly, we go to a new school and we're nothing but little scrubs to the 8th graders toilet washers (ha! 'member that shit!). I went from being the tallest student in the school at Edison, to not being close to the tallest student at Roosevelt. And Jr High was a much bigger campus. Dashaun and I remained close despite us not sharing any classes, but we didn't really see Tameka or Robin much anymore

Fast forward to around the year 2009. There was a recent invention called Facebook that I found myself drawn to. One of the first and best things Facebook was used for was reconnecting with old friends from childhood. And when you joined, the more information you entered about yourself in your profile, the better it could connect you with other people you may know. And one of the first people among the many people I remembered from my past to get a friend request from me (or she could have sent me a request first, I honestly don't remember) was Robin

On her page, I could see a few things. I saw that she was married, and she and her husband were parents to twin girls. There was still always this, kinda, regal aura around her. The same aura that prevented Dashaun from hollering at her. It was always the way she carried herself; I think. She commanded respect without ever having to verbally request it. By her pictures and posts, I could tell she was very much in love with her husband. It was just perfect. They looked like a couple that belonged together. They were extremely photogenic. Her name is Robin, his is Robbie. Another thing you could tell is that she was very religious, and all indicators was that he was too. It just worked, and I remember admiring them from a distance

She and I had a DM conversation once on Facebook where we were just catching up. She asked me if I'd kept in touch with Tameka and/or Dashaun. Toward the end of our eighth-grade year, Dashaun and his family moved to another state (although I don't remember which one at this point). He was one of the first people I looked up after reconnecting with Robin, but neither he nor Tameka were on Facebook at that time when we were. Robin said she too looked and had no luck either

We didn't really talk much after that, but she became one of what I called my Facebook fans. I always posted humorous thoughts, and there were a chosen few who got me and always liked and/or commented on my posts. She was a frequent liker and lol'er of my funny posts

I also knew that she started podcasting, as she got into it around the same time I did. Her podcasts were always more on the serious side than mine though. And I saw that she would periodically make an appearance on a small cable television show as a red-carpet personality, interviewing some very famous people. She always seemed to be doing great, really thriving in both her personal and professional life

But back at the end of 2019, I basically blew up my life after going through some very heavy shit and coming to grips with some terrible realizations about my life up to that point. Part of that included closing out my Facebook account that I frequently updated for a decade prior. Before that, I started to realize some things about myself and had no problems expressing them openly on my FB page. As you could imagine, this turned a lot of people off who were long time supporters of mine, including my high school friend's super religious mom who was also a Facebook fan

Namely, I started bashing the shit out of religion as I realized I was a non-believer, and I learned how people treat you when you're a non-believer. I had also figured out by this time that it's what my mother used to control me for decades, which fueled my earlier belief in that incredibly stupid ass shit because that's what we're told we're supposed to believe. And if you don't believe what THEY tell you to believe, there's something wrong with YOU! Like, you become enemy of the state with the quickness. And as I said, Robin was clearly super religious (although to be fair, she wasn't like the believers of my mom's generation, which is the generation of believers I can't fucking stand and don't want anywhere near me). While she never expressed any opposition to me directly, of course as you would imagine, her involvement in my posts became more and more scarce. It was nothing personal against her. It was just the old cliché that we had grown apart, even though we weren't really that close to begin with. But our lives went in totally different directions, as you would expect from people who met when they were 12 years old. Then I disabled my account for good and we would have no way of communicating with one another

So, yeah, I clearly didn't expect to see this headline this morning! The article went on to say that she actually hosted a radio show here in LA for the last two years, long after I left Facebook. I had no idea, or I would have definitely tuned in. The article also revealed she was diagnosed with a rare cancer

Ayers last year said she was battling leiomyosarcoma, a rare and aggressive cancer that affects soft tissues, typically in the abdomen or uterus.

Man, fuck cancer

As I've been thinking about all this today, I really feel for her husband and kids. You could tell how much she and her husband really loved one another, and it's not easy to find your soul mate on this spinning globe. I would imagine that if you're fortunate enough to find your person and you lose them, there isn't much pain greater than that

Now, don't get me wrong, NONE of my reflecting has made me want to go back to my family (especially my mother; never the fuck will I ever). If anything, it only reinforced to me that life is too short to waste your energy on people who neither love nor give a fuck about you

If your family is super controlling with you despite you obviously being a very grown MF, that's another dead giveaway they don't give a fuck about you. Don't believe me? Take that control away from them and watch how they react. You'll quickly discover that it wasn't you at all, but that control over you that they truly loved. If they really gave a shit about YOU, they would have never tried to subjugate you in the first place, and would have given you the freedom, encouragement and support to find your own self in this fucked up ass place

Robin's death has made me even more steadfast in making sure I only surround myself with people who genuinely love me for who I am, not the person they hope to turn me into one day

It also reminded me that if I were to succumb soon, I would have nobody to mourn me. Most people probably won't know or care, and some might even actually rejoice at my death. It's happened to more misjudged and misunderstood men than me

But when I do check out this bitch, it can never be said that I didn't stand on my own truth until my dying day. Tomorrow is not promised, and life is way too short to allow yourself to be subjugated by ANYONE or ANYTHING (especially something you can't even see smh; wrong page, my bad), including - and perhaps especially - family. And shit like this happens, I think, to remind us of that among other things. Like the lesson of taking my shot with the ladies, this is another one of countless life lessons I've learned since the 6th grade

Rest peacefully Robin